I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
