Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
