yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
