I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
