filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So apparently I’m into choking now
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