Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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