it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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