Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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