I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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