Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
