I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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