He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
