i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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