I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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