Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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