last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
