just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
