my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
