New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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