I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
