Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
