I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
