I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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