And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
