now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
