if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
