Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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