Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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