shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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