Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
