I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
