walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
