i don't like sucking hair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
