From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
