u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
