We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
meet me or not, i'm out of control
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
