Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
