I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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