Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
PANTIES FOUND
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