I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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