i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
