I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
