hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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