Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
