Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
