hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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