Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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