walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
