Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
