I need to stop coming to work sober
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
