If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
