Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
