I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
