he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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