Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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