I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
