I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
