things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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