I understand Curling. That high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
