grandma shit on top of the toilet
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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