it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
