She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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