toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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