Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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