i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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