I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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