The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
