Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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