one two three fourrrrnication!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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