Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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