So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
