this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You made out with two different species that night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
