I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
