You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
