checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
