oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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