Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
